all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
