The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
