i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
