I accidentally burped into my bong.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
