Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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