Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
