I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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