id be glad to
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
