Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
