I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Randomize
