So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
