No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
