I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Vodka?
Forever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
