Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
