Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
