Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
