so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
