it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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