i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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