whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
