Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
