I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
