So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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