Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you never un-have a 4some
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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