Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
well you can't waste a boner
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
