Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
