I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
