ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
