Christians are straight up FREAKS
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
