evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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