I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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