You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
