there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
