the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
