she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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