Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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