How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
