I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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