Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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