Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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