I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
