I'll bet she douches with gravy.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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