Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize