I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
