who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
