I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
