he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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