p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
