the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
