I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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