Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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