She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
