i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My cat gives me a boner
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
