im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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