where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Found your dick twin last night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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