I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
