Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize