If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
