Moan for me like Helen Keller
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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