you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
