Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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